One of the challenges I’ve been facing lately is to be able to see myself as who I want to be, or maybe who I am. I feel such a disconnect between what I know I am capable of and what I have the confidence to do. With the help of my coach, I am learning to get in touch with how things feel for me. By naming the feeling associated with the issue, I am able to get out of my mind and away from my ego. Thoughts = ego; feelings = heart.
During a recent coaching session, I was asked how I felt when coaching someone. Several words came to my mind: humbled, secure, and real. After saying the word real, I remembered the story of the Velveteen Rabbit. The following quote from the book describes what it means to become Real:
“You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily or have sharp edges or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
-Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
The part that really speaks to me is, “because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” Feeling ugly is something that comes along with listening to all the words in your head. It comes from all the times you’ve been told something negative about yourself and chose to believe it. It comes from not believing in yourself and your value. Until I learned about the ego and the destructive nature of the mind, I believed all those words I heard. I thought they were Real. Now I know they are not.
Working with a life coach is helping me to overcome all the years I’ve spent identifying with my mind. As I continue to work to separate what is Real from what is the mind, I feel my confidence and courage growing. I feel more able to move forward, despite the fear I feel. In addition to working with a coach, I’m also re-reading a book that was introduced to me in my coaching classes. It’s called Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson. This book will help you get to know how your ego, a.k.a. Gremlin, works and what it is actually doing to you. I would very much recommend this book to anyone wishing to get a better picture of how your mind can actually work against you and hold you back from attaining your dreams.
What does Real look like to you and what will it take for you to get there? It may take a long time, but it is worth it in the end.
Yours in transformation,