all in good time

It feels like a fitting time to talk about this subject as I have had several conversations about this during the week.  I will paraphrase the conversations as follows:

#1 – I don’t feel like I made any progress towards my life goals this week and it has left me feeling lazy and guilty for not getting anything done.

#2 – I’m still not sure who I am and my emotions are all over the place since the end of my long term relationship (or) since my daughter left home for college.  I can’t focus or get anything done.

#3 – I wish I could lose some weight but my life is too stressful right now (or) I’m too depressed (or) I have so many family demands that I can’t find time for myself…  I just can’t make it happen.

The common denominator in each of those conversations is that each person is unwilling to accept where they are at this moment in time.  They view of their life is from one of being in transition and discomfort.  All they know is that they want the pain to end as quickly as possible, but that is not how life works.  By pushing away from these transitional moments, they are creating a resistance which will only serve to increase the time spent there.  Remember the old adage, “That which you resist, persists”?  That is what’s happening here.  The best way to get to the other side of something is to go through it, all of it.  Another helpful strategy is to release your expectation of where you “should” be at the time.  When you live in the place of unrealistic expectations, you are guaranteed to find disappointment.  This leads you to define yourself as having failed in someway.  Once you feel you’ve failed, you begin to accept that failure as the norm because you will believe that is who you are, that you cannot change.  Do you see a pattern forming here?  It’s time to get away from that type of negative circular thinking and move forward by accepting where you are now.  This will create the space needed to move you forward when the time is right.

When I was about 30 years younger and just starting my life as an adult, I felt like I needed to have all the things my parents had in order to feel comfortable with my life.  What was missing from my observation at that time was a lack of perspective.  It never occurred to me at the time that it had taken them 20-30 years to get to that point; that it didn’t happen over night.  As I grew older, I recognized all that they went through to have that lifestyle, and it wasn’t something that came easy.  While my life today still looks quite different from theirs, it is perfect for me.  I have what I need and feel comfortable with what I have.  I’ve learned that I cannot compare my life, with all its unique experiences, with that of anyone else’s life.  The two can never be truly compared until I’ve lived the same life as them.  They will always be different in some way.  I now use a different scale to measure my goals, a scale that uses what I want for myself and my life as markers for success, not what someone else has.  Dropping that comparison allows me to see my life in a more positive light (Look at how much I’ve done!) and shows me that I am growing towards success and fulfillment on my own unique path.

Each of us will have all we are meant to when we have learned the lessons needed along the way.  It will all happen in good time.  Take this moment to look at what you have and set goals for what you want.  Once those goals are set, then go out and live your life.  Don’t expect that it will all materialize instantly.  Work towards your goals over time, learning from each part of the work.  When the time is right, things will begin to shift, moving you forward and it will happen with little or no effort.  Be patient with your learning process even when it involves discomfort or pain.  Listen to what the pain is telling you and when you have learned what you needed to, the pain will subside and you can pick up at the next step.  Sometimes it is necessary not to be working on your goals.  Sometimes we need some down time for personal growth and reflection.  Give yourself permission to just be for a while.  You will know when it is time to start working again.

This week, I grant each of you permission to not accomplish anything.  Spend some time with yourself and listen.  Practice being and not doing.  This time is the only time we have.  What is it telling you?

Yours in transformation,

Wordlywoman

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