The dreaded dread. It seems that it has insidiously made its way into my daughter’s life today. While she was driving me into work this morning, she verbalized her feelings of dread about returning to school tomorrow. She described it as feeling like the scene in the Aladdin movie where Jasmine was trapped in an hourglass and the sand was pouring down on her, limiting her time to live. I know of what she speaks. I’ve been there.
The dreaded dread (“dd”) is when you are on your last day of vacation and have to return to work the next day. It doesn’t have to be a long vacation, it could just be the weekend. The “dd” always occurs immediately upon waking on your last day of freedom. As your eyes open to greet your last day of liberation, you feel the “dd” moving in the pit of your stomach. It starts out very small but quickly builds and usurps your entire body. You can feel it from your head to your toes. You can’t think of anything else but having to return to your place of work, or in this case, school. This is no escape from the “dd”. No matter how much you try to make the best of your remaining time, your return to captivity is there, lurking throughout your mind, putting a damper on your spirits and effectively ruining the last minutes you have before the sand covers your head and you are no longer in control of your life.
I frequently suffer from “dd” when I have to go to work the next day. I wonder if I would do better if I had no time off at all, because then I would have no time to see the other side of things, to experience the wondrous feeling of freedom and absolute autonomy. “dd” is not something I have managed to eliminate over the years. I’ve tried living in the moment and not thinking about the sands of time running out, but no matter how hard I try, the “dd” continues to lurk somewhere within me, keeping me in silent chains throughout the day. Instead of overcoming the “dd”, I have learned to accept it for what it is and come to terms with it.
However dismal this may all sound, there is hope for sufferers of this malady, and it is that hope to which I cling when the “dd” hits me hard and fast. The hope lies in the knowledge that the minute I arrive at my dreaded destination, the “dd” will be gone. The cure lies in facing the dread. Staying away from it only perpetuates its strength. Facing up to the “dd” weakens it almost immediately and before you know it, you are back in your routine and feeling quite well. Was it all just a bad dream? Sometimes, I think it was.
So, while my daughter is in the throes of the “dd” at this moment, I can rest assured knowing that tomorrow all will be well with her again. It is nice to know that the “dd” is only temporary because mine will be starting tomorrow morning. Here we go again.
Yours in transformation,